Well, I still have that cold and the doctor refuses to give me medication.
Have decided to have a fruitbowl in my room. It's only marginally helpful, but I'm willing to settle for that as it means I'm actually eating 5 pieces of fruit/veg a day.

I have an actual tangible target to meet now. Not some flimsy one set by my self. A real one, which I cannot afford not to meet.

I am off to Malawi in July. I need to be fit enough to carry out some mission work out there, and thin enough to fit in seats like planeseats, jeepseats etc...

Well, obviously I am a big fat liar.

I've moved house! I am now a university student once more, with all the pros and cons that involves.

The biggest pro right now is that I have to walk everywhere. The biggest con is that I have to buy fresh healthy food daily, otherwise I just eat crap.

I also bought myself an elliptical trainer--where do I get the money? I have developed an allergy to alcohol! A student allergic to booze!? Wow!

How many calories does that shave off right there?

~~~

Unfortunately I have THE mother of all colds right now. I can't be bothered to walk down the street to get meds, I am that tired.

And by soon, I meant....

About several months later.

Woe is me. I've only been going to the gym sporadically, been working out at home a tiny bit (emphasis on tiny).

The only progress/ not backwards leap is that I feel comfortable enough to walk around the house naked. It's grossing everyone else out, but if it's making my self-confidence return, then all the better.

Ok, I know I said I'd post about the 23rd but I'm still recovering from cramming about 2 months' worth of psychology papers into 3 days........ I *can* tell you, however, that due to the stress, I've returned to eating crap, and that I haven't been to the gym in OVER a week. Feel free to slap me.
More details soon.

This post coming to you from the Library

As our internet connection is buggered (thanks talktalk) til the 23rd.
Yes, I'm angry, and No, I don't intend to be one of those who can't be bothered to keep a WL blog beyond a month.... see you around the 23rd! ;)

The ka-fatty kid

Wax on, Wax off!

This article, or something very much like it, appeared in Sunday's Times.

How the heck can a parent let their child get into such a state? Any parent wants what's best for their offspring, but feeding them Crap, just because they can't be bothered to eat veg does NOT class as doing them any favours. Sure, they get the 10 seconds enjoyment as they swallow it, but how about the humiliation of being 3 times your recommended weight? Especially considering they have to go to school and face other kids 5 times a week *at least*.

It's not as if no help was given- they repeatedly skipped obesity clinics appointments!

Bah! I hope the child DOES go into care- despite the supposed trauma it causes, I think it's preferable to the trauma of not being able to walk to the toilet to take a crap.

I always saw myself as a fat kid. I stumbled across a couple of photos from my childhood last week. I wasn't actually fat. Yet I was always told so. Who by? The other kids. And I believed it.
And believing it, I got upset. And being upset, I ate tons of crap. And eating tons of crap made me fat.

Behold the self-fulfilling prophecy!

I hold those people accountable for the last 10 yrs of being overweight, and however many years it will take me to get it off again. Sure, I forgive you- but you're part of the cause and that won't change.

Dedicated to Andrew

Andrew is my fitness guru friend. While not in the gym, he spends his time in the tanning salon and economics lectures. Want to know what the latest opinion on fasted cardio is? Ask Andrew. Want to know what Arnold Schwarzenegger's pec size is? Ask Andrew.

Now, due to snow (here come the excuses) I skipped a few gym sessions last week, as well as Tai Chi. Now this wouldn't be so bad if I felt less tired in work. Bah! I felt even MORE tired somehow! I've also gone back to eating MOUNTAINS of crap over the past 2-3 days... that's going to stop. Feeling sick in work because of it.

Feeling abdominal pains- not gym related, obviously. Think it may be positional.

Found inexpensive Sushi in Tesco's! Will be eating that for lunch from now on.

I apologize for the clipped sentences. Will edit them later. Think of this as a draft copy that you may read. :)

Gym o'clock in the Morning

I got up and walked down to the gymnasium at 6:30 am on Friday. Why? Because if I don't go first thing in the day I'm going to end up putting it off and putting it off and putting it off until it's too late to go. It's surprisingly busy at that time in the morning. The entrance to the gym (it's only a small one) is *in front* of all the cardio machines, where everyone seems to be- so everyone can see you walk in. The free weights are right at the front, so it's like having an audience. I don't see myself using those any time soon, at least not with some kind of gym buddy (and where am I going to find someone to go to the gym with me at that time in the morning?)
Made a bee-line for the backroom- no jokes please- where the weight-lifting gimmicky machines are. Great workout- sweaty, pushed myself as far as I could go, then finished off on cross-trainer.
The locker room was empty (hahaha!) so I decided to have a shower. After all, I still had a whole day's work ahead of me. So there I am, showering (I apologize for any mental trauma) when this old woman walks in, and beings cleaning the showers WHILE I AM STILL IN THERE!



Anyway, dealt with that embarassing incident with the pervy old woman and walked to work- had a reasonably good day energy wise. A bit tired, but that's because I'm not used to waking up so early any more.
Come 7 O'clock I'm back down at the fitness centre, in a Tai Chi class. All I'm going to say is that I need to work on my balance and co-ordination, and that my knees were aching all day saturday.

Free Day today, food-wise. Last night was an alcohol and wordgames night at one of our neighbours' houses- had a lot of fun. Tomorrow (or even this evening) I'm going to be careful about what I'm eating again. I'm getting frankly sick of crisps (americans read: chips)- the salty taste on the tongue, the feeling that they're not really giving anything useful to your body...I don't really know why the hell I eat them in the first place but it's unlikely I'm going to eat them again any time soon.

Thanks to Kim Ayres to pointing out to me that the "Ideal weight" that I had found on the web was inaccurate.
Being 6 feet and a bit tall, my ideal weight is closer to 180lbs. Now that makes more sense doesn't it?
My target weight loss stands now at 170lbs- almost half my current mass. *sigh* I better get cracking then.

I put off joining the gym until tomorrow, the first of February because upon reading their fine printI noticed the first month's payment is only actually valid up until the first of the next month. How sly is that?

I've starting a food journal, but even over the past 2/3 days I've noticed something important.

Monday includes "200g of fruit and nut chocolate", as well as "2 large chunks of cheese".
Now, I could try and excuse away those two things with such excuses as "it had fruit in it" or "it was between slices of wholewheat bread" but I won't. I'm tired of lying to myself. That's going to stop- right........NOW.

How am I going about changing this? Well, I've made several portions of leek, potato and chickpea soup, which I can shove in the microwave should I feel hungry. I'm also going to take bran flakes to work with me as a snack because a) they're healthy, b) they're filling, c)they're tasty and d)it'll make my boss jealous. She loves bran flakes.

It's as if I've never bothered looking at myself in the past few years. To be honest, I am angry with myself for reaching such a shameful state. I'm sweaty, tired and ill all the time, and it's all due to my weight.

I weigh 350 Lbs- this is the first time I've weighed myself in many months, and frankly I am disgusted. I am 127 Lbs overweight, and it's about bloody time I did something about it. I mean- 1/3 of my weight is excess to requirements! I'm lugging around 127 Lbs of useless material!

I've known for a while that I am obese, but there is a difference between knowing and actually understanding that my body is made up of 45 % fat.

I am so pissed off with myself, most of all.